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Oh, I'm *choosing* to burn for all eternity. Good to know.

[we interrupt these political posts for a quick interlude on fire and brimstone]

The latest Thinking Atheist’s podcast is entitled “My family thinks I’m going to hell” — and after reading its title pop up on my iTunes, just like that, I was once again reminded: hey, most of *my family* thinks I’m going to hell.

How should I feel about that?

I’m an ex-pat Bible-belt girl who comes from an evangelical family (remember the “care” package I received from my Southern Baptist auntie?).  I grew up in a church where hell lurked in the corners of its theology — though to be fair, the fires of hell were usually directed toward nonbelievers or Catholics, and not me.

But the older I grew, the more distasteful this doctrine became — in fact, the more grays I started noticing in the world, the more this black/white punishment just didn’t fit in with the reality around me.  I guess you could say that hell was one of my gateway doctrines OUT of the faith.

That said, even now in my happily godless state, if I stop to think of it, I can still remember the terror that hell – as a place of judgment – evokes. I’m reminded of that scene in Richard Dawkins’ documentary The Root of All Evil? where he’s having a conversation with psychologist Jill Mytton, and she says “the images of eternal damnation which I absorbed as a child still have the power to affect me now.”

It’s true. Even though I no longer believe in the existence of such an eternally-damning place, I find the doctrine of hell is one belief that still has the power to haunt me — even as an atheist.

My family thinks I’m going to hell.  How would thinking that your daughter/sister/sister-in-law/cousin/etc is eternally condemned impact your relationship with her? Whether your hell is of the literal hellfire-and-brimstone variety or the vaguely-interpreted “separation from God”, how could you as a believer live with that supposed knowledge of your family member’s eternal doom?

One day I asked my mom about heaven. I wanted to know how it could be considered a perfect eternal destination, particularly when she’ll know that one of her kids will be forever separated from her in hell? I wasn’t trying to pick a fight — it’s just that now that I’m a mama, I honestly wanted to understand how a mother could accept such harmful dogma in application.

At first, she didn’t know what to say.  After thinking about it a while, she finally said that she thought God will probably let her forget about me, so that she wouldn’t have to suffer.  Even now, I can still feel the stinging power of those words — and I don’t even believe in a God or hell!  I’m stunned that this could be an acceptable alternative to her, and I’m also surprised that such a thought doesn’t immediately turn her away from her idea of supposedly loving God.

But I guess that’s what happens when ideology comes first.

A month and a half ago, I wrote a post that highlighted a new book that’s been shaking up the evangelical world. Why the shake up? This pastor is daring to question the legitimacy of the doctrine of eternal damnation.  It looks like some in the church aren’t so willing to let go of hell, and a few are even brandishing the label of “heresy” toward the author for even alluding to the notion of universal salvation.

Which makes me wonder about the psychological drive in some believers to hold onto the notion of eternal punishment.  Why?  I’m not sure I’ll ever get a good answer.