The Christmas Carol Dilemma

By Andrew Komar

I was raised Catholic, carrying on the intense Catholic tradition of my father. He is an accomplished organist, and he uses his talent primarily as the organist at our parish’s 8 o’clock mass. With our heavy musical background, it was inevitable that my brothers and I would eventually be recruited to play our own instruments during the mass. At the height of it, my brothers would play violin and viola, and I would be on the trumpet. We would accompany our Dad on the organ every Sunday of the year. The little old ladies who came to the 8 o’clock were our biggest fans (because there never seemed to be anyone else up at such an hour), and they would always compliment us.

As any good Catholic knows, Christmas Mass is the biggest mass of the year. It’s when you see the rare but profitable “Christmas-and-Easter” Catholics. The music of Christmas Mass is actually fun to sing, too. My Dad always gets to play music for one of these masses, and my brothers and I are inevitably recruited to help out. The familiarity of the music combined with the thousands of parishioners makes for a hell of an exhilarating performance. Seriously though, who doesn’t like to sing Christmas carols with thousands of people accompanied by a trumpet and a giant pipe organ?

But herein lies the dilemma. Since I’m a writer for this blog, it’s pretty obvious that I don’t buy into any of the associated religious dogma, and I feel the same way as the Crommunist with his looming nightmare. The church is evil, unquestionably, but my participation in the mass has nothing to do with supporting the church; I only want to support my family. I’ve already been hauled to church since returning home for the holidays, but I have not participated in the mass (praying, taking communion, etc). The Christmas masses are coming up, and I have a non-negotiable familial obligation to participate in the music liturgy.

Back in Montreal, my a cappella group took a gig at a synagogue to provide entertainment during one of the nights of Hanukkah. As a member of the group, I had an obligation to participate, even though I disagree with as much of the dogma underlying the Jewish faith as I do Catholic dogma. I don’t think the Jewish community in Montreal is evil any more than I think that my parish in Calgary is, but in both cases I’m using my musical talent to explicitly support a religious community which which I disagree.

So, my dilemma is this: am I a hypocrite for musically participating in the mass? I don’t contribute any money to the church by playing, but I am not exactly opposing it either. As musicians, my family is definitely providing joy and entertainment to thousands of people, but is the fact that this entertainment and joy occurs during mass enough to make the whole thing evil or at least wrong? From a musician’s point of view, is the fact that I personally think it is wrong enough for me to ignore my familial obligation? What do you think?

December dilemma, revisited

A couple weeks ago I wrote about my qualms in preparing a December celebration party for our secular parenting group.  Part of my worries were thinking that educating kids about religious traditions/practices could be an act of inadvertently condoning religious belief.  I wrote more about my dilemma here:

I asked myself: if I set out a bunch of nativity sets for the kids to play with, am I reinforcing the idea that there really was a virgin birth?

I think I may have been overthinking things a bit — especially considering most of our kids were more interested in spinning the dreidel than debating the pros and cons of the Torah. But I’m glad that I have these inner struggles when it comes to raising my little freethinker. I want to raise my little girl with an awareness of how human beings have used faith and dogma in an attempt to answer life’s hard questions — but I also want her to have the critical thinking skills to recognize where these faith systems have failed in their answers and have hurt others. Teaching her about religion isn’t the same as indoctrinating her into a belief system.

If you’re interested in the activities we ended up doing for our December celebration night, here’s the post where I elaborated on what we did to learn about Kwanzaa, Chanukah, and Christmas.

The post is a part of the Parents Beyond Belief blog, where I’m a contributor, along with other facilitators of secular family/parenting groups in the States.  We’re in need of more Canadian voices, so if anyone out there looking to start a secular parenting group in your area, contact me!

Krismas quote

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’

–Dave Barry, “Christmas Shopping: A Survivor’s Guide”

Christmas Shopping

Don’t know what to get that special someone?

How about making a donation in their name to a worthy cause like Wikipedia?

Wikipedia has to represent the amalgamation of nearly all the knowledge we have accumulated as a species and is something to be cherished. Go, and give what you can.

Support Wikipedia

The glaring Jimmy Whales finally convinced me to give $35.

Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Blessed Festivus, Happy December?

On Tuesday night the Saskatoon Secular Family Network is getting together (kids + parents) to commemorate the month of December, and I’m at a loss as to what kind of activities we should do to mark the holiday season.  Our Secular Parenting group’s aim isn’t to be anti-theistic, so there won’t be any baby Jesus piñatas to hit — but I also don’t want to be so accommodating of religion that I inadvertently condone religious myth as legitimate.

Come to think of it, it’s a tenuous line to walk as a parent who wants to raise her kid as a freethinker.  I don’t see my aim is to raise her as an “atheist.” I’m not a fan of dogma in any form, whether it’s of a religious stripe or otherwise.  I do want my little girl to have a working knowledge of the world’s religions — but there’s always a part of me who’s afraid that religion’s allure may prove to be too enticing and one day she’ll get sucked into a vortex of religious ideology.

Which brings me back to some of the dilemma I face in planning Tuesday night’s activities.  Part of me thought it would be interesting to have a sampling of all the different ways humanity commemorates December — I have a dreidel we could play with, and we could discuss Hanukkah; I’ve got a couple nativity sets the kids could look at; and I’ve even got a Kwanzaa book we could read.   But there’s another part of me who thinks it would be better to just focus completely on the secular components of the season — talking about the Winter Solstice (the science and metaphorical response to the longer, darker days), and talk about the giving/sharing of families during the holidays (that night we’re collecting donations for the local crisis nursery).

What do you think?  I’m hoping to get some ideas from parents of what you do with your kiddos during December, or anyone else who does something this month to commemorate the season we’re in.  Help?

Christmas Shopping

This post warrants a few background pieces of information:

  1. I love Christmas to bits and pieces. The lights, the music (seriously, that’s the best christmas song/version ever), the family and the stories. Love love love.
  2. I’m a bit of a hippy. You can see how this might interfere with #1
  3. I just took a seminar course in my overly socialist faculty about consumerism and how horrible it is… you can see how that will jive with #2 but perhaps not so much with #1

4 years ago I “boycotted” Christmas. I was an atheist at the time and decided that I didn’t want to partake in a holiday that was a big ol’ sham. I didn’t buy anyone gifts, but since my residence closed down during the holidays I still had to go home to my mom’s. I watched, but didn’t help, my mom put up the tree, bake sugar cookies, decorate the house and wrap presents. It was so depressing.

On Christmas morning we got up and we made Christmas brunch. Jokingly, my two brothers told me I wasn’t allowed to eat it… That afternoon we started with the gifts. Everyone exchanged with everyone else, except for me. I felt horribly left out…

Gifts in my house aren’t about getting the biggest or most expensive thing for everyone else in the family. Our gifts are always really amazing and suit the personality of the receiver. A lot of thought goes into them, on everyone’s part. We are usually more excited to see people open what we got for them than we are to open our own gifts. So to simply watch as my family did this tradition together… all excited and thankful… I was pretty down-in-the-dumps.

Suffice today, that was the last Christmas I boycotted. Ever since then I’ve been the first one to haul out the tree, whip out the Christmas albums, bake the shortbread cookies and crack the peanut brittle.

This Christmas I am facing a new and interesting challenge. I’ve been concerned with the environment for quite a long time, since the middle of high school I guess (8..ish.. years ago, I think) but I’ve never really applied it to my life more than reducing meat intake, recycling, vowing to never have a license, shopping local when I can, devoting my graduate work to environmental stuff and around-the-house electricity use. My big fault has always always always been my shopping. Here are some disgusting facts about my shopping habits last year:

  • I spent over $800 on make-up from Sephora alone. This is enough for me to earn a spot in their “Very Important Beauty Insider” club where I get free shit that makes me want to spend more money on make-up I don’t wear. That’s what *really* makes this one particularly disgusting – I only wear mascara on a day-to-day basis… and the mascara I wear the most is a free one I got from Sears…
  • A quick tally reveals that I spent over $600 at the Gap. The horrifically disgusting thing about the Gap is that all their clothes are extremely plain. Their t-shirts are literally just plain t-shirts… and their sweaters are just plain v-neck sweaters… but they cost a lot of money.
  • In the past year I owned three different cell phones – a Blackberry Curve, an iPhone and my current Samsung Galaxy. I go through cell phones like crazy… Every single person in my immediate family has either owned one of my cell phones or is currently on a contract that used to be mine that I convinced them to takeover so I could get a new phone for free.
  • I won’t pain you with all of this but other things I am guilty for: hair color, shoes, jewelery I don’t wear, going to the movies, buying books and spur of the moment “big” purchases (“honey, i just bought a new laptop!”).

To give all this just one last kick – I break shit like it’s nobodies business. My brother used to tell me I should be a product tester… one of those people that is really rough with their stuff to see how long the product will last.

Anyway – after taking this consumption class at school (well midway through, actually) I decided I need to calm my shopping habits right down… down to like nothing. I’ve actually been doing quite well. I bought a new coat, but I really needed it and a new backpack because my old one broke (I’m being more gentle with the new one…). Besides buying what I have to buy I’ve been sticking the money away to pay off my student debt a bit faster. But then Christmas time came along… My solution? Ethical Christmas gifts for everyone! Turns out that isn’t quite as easy as it sounds, but I’ve managed to find some pretty good things. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

For my step dad: locally harvested honey from the farmer’s market, organic wine from a town nearby and locally made pottery

For my sister: (here’s hoping she doesn’t read my stuff) She is substantially worse than me when it comes to shopping, super fashionista and is totally oblivious to the negative aspects of shopping. So… I’m getting her The Story of Stuff (the book) and a donation to Beads for Life.

Other ideas: OXFAM unwrapped, most things off of the Treehugger gift guide, Las Nubas Coffee – this is a project run out of my school that is pretty awesome and Chocosol Chocolate is “zero energy”/fair trade/healthy chocolate. I’ll likely be doing donations to Canadian charities that help aboriginal people and children’s education, as well. I also like gifts of time – doing things together. Last night I took John to a David Usher concert for his birthday present, and it was nice to do something together that we both really really enjoyed, rather than just getting him something that we’d forget about in a month.

I know a better ‘stand against consumption’ would be to do a Buy Nothing Christmas – but I like giving gifts, and I think all of this can be bought with slightly less guilt.

Are there ideas out there I’m not thinking of? What do other people do for gifts each year??

Rudolph the Green-Nosed Reindeer

Welcome to December, welcome to Christmas season.

As we all know perfectly well by now, Christmas is much more of a corporatist or pagan holiday than an actual Christian festival.

Jesus was likely not born on December 25 (if he was born at all), and the Christmas tree is a pagan invention.

Santa may have been a Christian Saint but his myth was heavily influenced by Germanic and Dutch folklore. His coat is cemented as red in our mind’s likely because of Coca-Cola’s early advertising efforts.

So it shouldn’t come as much surprise that if you dig a tiny bit, you will discover that the story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (arguably one of the most secular Christmas stories) was merely an advertising ploy in the 1930s.

Yep, the story was made up for the Montgomery Ward department store to save them some money so during their annual colouring book giveaways, they wouldn’t have to purchase someone else’s story. In the first year, they gave away over two million colour books, cementing the story of Rudolph in our zeitgeist.

The story and song actually aren’t even public domain, so every time it’s sung, Robert May’s estate ought to be receiving a small kickback.

Meanwhile, Frosty the Snowman was simply a country song written in 1950.

Merry Christmas.

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