Tag Archives: secular parenting

Growing up godless

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Next week I’ve been invited by the Unitarian Fellowship of Regina to give a talk on secular parenting.  Here’s the little blurb I wrote for it:

Growing up godless: Strategies for the 21st century secular family

A 2008 survey found that 1 in 4 Canadians don’t believe in God. Another study found that religion could potentially go ‘extinct’ in Canada. With faith becoming less of an influencing factor in our society, what does it mean to raise children without the anchoring of religious tenets? My talk will discuss strategies for secular families facing life situations where traditionally religion has influenced a family’s decision-making and comfort in challenging times. I’ll also talk about the role religion can play in a nonreligious household.

I’m finishing my plans for the talk over this weekend, and I thought I’d ask you all for some input. What sorts of topics should I touch on in my 20 minutes? First I think I need define what I mean by ‘secular’ parenting, and then maybe I’ll talk a few minutes about some of the bigger issues families have to deal with (interactions with religious extended family, holidays, death, etc). I’m also hoping to open the floor to discussion, in case there’s anyone there who disagrees with some of what I’m saying.

I think I also would like to pass on some ideas for the Regina group on different activities they can host for secular families, looking back to events like Darwin Day, summer camping trips, and other topical celebrations our secular parenting group has done over the years.

Secular parenting groups are still hard to find here in Canada — here’s hoping that more groups will pop up as resources for freethinking families.

Secular family resources

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One of the bigger shortcomings in the Canadian atheist community (in my humble opinion, of course) is the lack of resources/groups for secular families.  As far as I know, there’s only one secular parenting group in Canada (though I would LOVE to be corrected in the comments!).  That said, I realize that the secular parenting movement is still fairly new, so I’m hoping in the next few years we can build some momentum and get some more groups going up here in the Great White North.

Until that time, here are some great resources I’ve been coming across over the last few weeks that I’d thought I’d share:

  • SocraticMama:  a new website/community started by Anne Crumpacker, the mom of  9-year-old Mason (who infamously asked Christopher Hitchens “What should I read?” last month at the Texas Freethought Convention).  The SocraticMama site is meant to be a “a place where ideas are judged on merit alone, where questions are explored, and where adults and kids can come together to puzzle about life’s wonders.” It’s still new, so go check it out!
  • Speaking of Mason, here’s an inspiring interview with her in this past Sunday’s Dallas Morning News.  My favorite bit:

Why did you decide it was important to ask a question of Hitchens? Because I had just found out that he was dying, and he’s a brilliant man. And I felt that his knowledge of the world shouldn’t be wasted, and that someone should continue what he started.

Where will he go when he dies?

Nowhere.

Did he answer you the way you expected to be answered?

Yes. He was very honest to me and very, very nice. I think all adults should be honest to kids with their answers and take them seriously. They’re living people, too. I especially hate when adults dumb it down for me.

  • Another site to check out for musings on secular parenting is the Parents Beyond Belief blog.  This is a resource for secular parenting groups and religion-free parenting approaches — the blog features posts by a variety of contributors, with topics ranging from the perils of secular homeschooling to Camp Quest experiences to reflections on teaching your child critical thinking skills. [disclosure: I help edit the blog -- so if there are any Canadian secular parents who would like to contribute, contact me!]
  • Here’s another good blog on secular parenting: Relax, It’s Just God by Wendy Thomas Russell. I really like her writing style, and it’s a place where “you’ll find suggestions and encouragement for modern, secular
    parents ready to talk to their kids about God.”  Check it out.
  • Finally, there’s a newly-formed Facebook group that’s targeted to secular mamas: Mothers Beyond Belief.  It’s only been around for about 5 days, in in that time, we’ve gotten over 500 members! It’s a private group, meant to be a resource/support for secular moms.  I help to admin the group, and I can attest to it being a great group of women to interact with!

So, there you have it.  If you have any resources/links you’d like to share, feel free to pass ‘em along.

“But you don’t have to take MY word for it!”

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[hopefully someone out there will get my Reading Rainbow reference]

Last weekend was the Texas Freethought Convention, and I was able to vicariously enjoy parts of the gathering thanks to social media.  An article of interest popped up that described Christopher Hitchen’s appearance at the convention.

It’s his first public appearance in months, and while he still possesses his fiery message, his body is definitely feeling the effects of his disease.  Maybe it’s because I know he’s nearing the end of his life, but lately I’ve been finding most of what he says/writes lately to be especially compelling (and I wasn’t always a Hitch fan).

What caught my attention most about this piece describing his TX appearance was the end of the article that describes an interaction he had with an 8 year old little girl during the Q&A following his talk.  The little girl’s name is Mason, and she asked Hitch a simple question: “What books should I read?” [a more detailed account of the story can be found over on Jerry Coyne's blog]

The article said that Hitch spent 15 minutes after his talk, sitting down with Mason and her mama to help compose a reading list.  As a mama of my own precocious 4 and a half year old, I got such a kick out of reading about this interaction. I loved reading about not only Hitch dedicating time for a young fan, but I also enjoyed the little girl’s tenacity to walk up and ask such a great question! Here’s the list Hitchens gave Mason (taken from this article):

Dawkins’ Magic of Reality, Greek and Roman myths, particularly those compiled by Robert Graves, anything satirical by Shakespeare, Geoffrey Chaucer, Ayaan Hirsi Ali (author of Infidel and Nomad: From Islam to America: A Personal Journey Through the Clash of Civilizations), PG Wodehouse (“for fun”), David Hume, and Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities.

What books would you recommend, should a brave little girl ask you this question one day?

Freethinking families and the wilds of SK

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Last weekend the Saskatoon Secular Family Network hosted its annual Freethinker Family Camp, and had about 10 families come out for the event, held at a provincial park. Our weekend was full of campfires, canoeing, swimming, nature hiking, star-gazing, and hanging out with like-minded families — a great time!

Our camping trip this year was quite a bit different from last year’s inaugural camp.  For one, it was WAY more laid back (which meant much less stress for this organizer!).  Last year, I think I tried too hard to fit in activities and a schedule — which, while fun, wasn’t necessary.

The longer I’m involved in the smaller communities of the larger atheist movement, the more value I’m finding in the non-programmed, friendship-building moments.  For this camping weekend, the best times for me were the ones when the parents were able to chat by the fire and the kids were free to run around and play together.

So while we had to dodge a few raindrops and brave a couple chilly SK nights, I think this weekend’s camping trip can be marked a success.

Strangers with Candy (and a mission)

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Hey kids, don’t accept candy or theology from strangers!

In Edmonton, a church has been setting up shop in local parks, approaching kids with candy and Bible verses.  Kids are promised more candy if they memorize the verse and return the following week.  One mom isn’t happy with the proselytization attempts:

“What if the next person who offers her candy doesn’t have the same intentions as the church? That’s always a fear in the back of every parents mind,” Crowe said.

City officials say Victory Christian Center has a permit allowing it to host activities like crafts and singing, but not for handling out religious materials.

“I think generally we would frown away from that, it isn’t appropriate unless they have a closed function,” said Laura Shewchuk of the city’s Community Service department.

Most parents aren’t in favor of strange people offering candy to their kids — and I’m not sure how these Christians thought this was a good evangelism strategy. I wonder how these believers would feel about Muslims or Mormons going to local parks and approaching kids by handing out candy with passages from their holy books.  I have a feeling they wouldn’t be so nonchalant about it.

That said, as an atheist parent, I’m not scared of my kid being exposed to the different belief systems out there.  In fact, I’d like her to learn about as many of them as possible (though I’m not keen on her being approached by proselytizing strangers in a park).

I know that I can’t prevent her from coming across religious elements or people in our society, so I figure if she has a working understanding of all the different ways humans have tried to make sense of the world, she won’t be allured by one ideology in particular.  The tricky part is contextualizing the beliefs and dogmas.

Of course there is a nagging fear in my head that one day she’ll grow up and will be entrapped by evangelical Christianity (the same belief system I rejected) — but I don’t let that fear prevent me from talking to her about different religions.

It’s easy to point my finger and accuse some religious parents of indoctrinating their kid, but I think if we godless parents aren’t careful, we could fall into the same trap. I don’t want to present my atheism as a choice my daughter must make in order for me to accept and love her.

Darwin Day 2011

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year — to be a naturalist, that is.  Well, strike that “most wonderful time” comment if you’re in Saskatchewan, where we just had -45 windchills! (brrr)

February 12th is Charles Darwin’s birthday, and marks the celebration of “Darwin Day,” a global celebration of science and reason.

What’s going on in Canada for Darwin Day?  Leave your group’s activities in the comments.

The big news for Saskatchewan is that Education Minister Donna Harpauer has proclaimed February 12, 2011 as Darwin Day in the province.

In Saskatoon, we’ve got a big Darwin Day event on February 12th that is being sponsored by CFI Saskatchewan, the Saskatoon Skeptics, and the Saskatoon Secular Family Network.

The activities for the day include watching part of the PBS documentary What Darwin Never Knew, guest speakers, family activities (for all ages), and of course, birthday cake!

Since I’m the facilitator for the Saskatoon Secular Family Network, I’ve been rounding up volunteers to put on science demonstrations and experiments for the kids.  So far I’ve got volunteers in the areas of biology, chemistry, physics, and epidemiology.  One activity I’d like us to run is a station where people can see what they look like “devolved” into an earlier stage.

2011 marks the 202nd birthday of Darwin, and I’m already looking forward to a great day celebrating science and reason.

Education Minister Donna Harpauer has proclaimed February 12, 2011 as Darwin Day in Saskatchewan

December dilemma, revisited

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A couple weeks ago I wrote about my qualms in preparing a December celebration party for our secular parenting group.  Part of my worries were thinking that educating kids about religious traditions/practices could be an act of inadvertently condoning religious belief.  I wrote more about my dilemma here:

I asked myself: if I set out a bunch of nativity sets for the kids to play with, am I reinforcing the idea that there really was a virgin birth?

I think I may have been overthinking things a bit — especially considering most of our kids were more interested in spinning the dreidel than debating the pros and cons of the Torah. But I’m glad that I have these inner struggles when it comes to raising my little freethinker. I want to raise my little girl with an awareness of how human beings have used faith and dogma in an attempt to answer life’s hard questions — but I also want her to have the critical thinking skills to recognize where these faith systems have failed in their answers and have hurt others. Teaching her about religion isn’t the same as indoctrinating her into a belief system.

If you’re interested in the activities we ended up doing for our December celebration night, here’s the post where I elaborated on what we did to learn about Kwanzaa, Chanukah, and Christmas.

The post is a part of the Parents Beyond Belief blog, where I’m a contributor, along with other facilitators of secular family/parenting groups in the States.  We’re in need of more Canadian voices, so if anyone out there looking to start a secular parenting group in your area, contact me!

Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Blessed Festivus, Happy December?

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On Tuesday night the Saskatoon Secular Family Network is getting together (kids + parents) to commemorate the month of December, and I’m at a loss as to what kind of activities we should do to mark the holiday season.  Our Secular Parenting group’s aim isn’t to be anti-theistic, so there won’t be any baby Jesus piñatas to hit — but I also don’t want to be so accommodating of religion that I inadvertently condone religious myth as legitimate.

Come to think of it, it’s a tenuous line to walk as a parent who wants to raise her kid as a freethinker.  I don’t see my aim is to raise her as an “atheist.” I’m not a fan of dogma in any form, whether it’s of a religious stripe or otherwise.  I do want my little girl to have a working knowledge of the world’s religions — but there’s always a part of me who’s afraid that religion’s allure may prove to be too enticing and one day she’ll get sucked into a vortex of religious ideology.

Which brings me back to some of the dilemma I face in planning Tuesday night’s activities.  Part of me thought it would be interesting to have a sampling of all the different ways humanity commemorates December — I have a dreidel we could play with, and we could discuss Hanukkah; I’ve got a couple nativity sets the kids could look at; and I’ve even got a Kwanzaa book we could read.   But there’s another part of me who thinks it would be better to just focus completely on the secular components of the season — talking about the Winter Solstice (the science and metaphorical response to the longer, darker days), and talk about the giving/sharing of families during the holidays (that night we’re collecting donations for the local crisis nursery).

What do you think?  I’m hoping to get some ideas from parents of what you do with your kiddos during December, or anyone else who does something this month to commemorate the season we’re in.  Help?

Raising Canadian freethinkers

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A quick update on what’s happening lately with the Saskatoon Secular Family Network:

  • I’ve been asked to be a contributor on the Parents Beyond Belief blog, and my first post is about our successful Freethinker Family Camp, Camp Hoodoo.  Keep an eye out on the PBB blog for more posts by different parenting groups across the US and Canada.
  • Later this month our group is having a book club discussion about the parenting classic: How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk.  I can tell I’m going to love this book, especially after reading its first line: “I was a wonderful parent before I had children.”
  • In December we’re hosting a December Celebration and Cookie Potluck night, where we’ll celebrate many aspects of the season that don’t necessarily evoke the supernatural or virgin births.  Does anyone have any suggestions of atheist-y or humanist activities/crafts we could get the kids to do?  The Friendly Atheist posted a link to an Atheist’s Xmas coloring book (PDF) that looks like a lot of fun.

The other big secular parenting news is that I’m going to be working in conjunction with CFI Canada to help start secular parenting groups across Canada.  Right now I’m compiling some materials to make an information packet to send to people who are interested in getting a group going in their area.  If you’re interested in receiving some of these materials or are looking to swap ideas, feel free to email me at sksecular.parenting at gmail.com for more information.

Freethinker Family Camp

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This weekend, the Saskatoon Secular Family Network is hosting its 1st annual Freethinker Family Camp, in the bustling metropolis of the R.M. of Hoodoo, SK.

It’s shaping up to be quite the event!  Here’s a list of activities we’ve got planned, so far:

  • nature scavenger hunt
  • earth weaving craft
  • face painting
  • slough exploring
  • star gazing with telescopes & planispheres
  • meteor watching (this weekend is the tail end of the Perseids)
  • cooperative musical chairs
  • digging for fossils in potash
  • outside fun with horseshoes, boccie balls, aerobie, soccer, etc
  • listening to a talk from an entomologist
  • campfire time and s’mores (I bought a bag of GIANT marshmallows)
  • “ghost photography”

I’m excited our group can provide an alternative to all the Bible summer camps that surround our area.

If anyone has any fun games or suggestions for camp activities that you’d like to pass along, feel free to leave ‘em in the comments.  Next week I’ll be sure to post a recap of how much fun we had.

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